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An Invitation to Monica Grenfell [Apr. 13th, 2008|09:49 pm]
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Dear Monica,

It's been a bit of a challenging week, eh? Here you thought you'd get some good publicity for your crash dieting book by writing a piece in the British Daily Mail saying that plus-sized contestant Chloe Marshall doesn't deserve to be a finalist for the Miss England pageant because her size indicates that she has a "shocking lack of self-control" and she's obviously been overeating. Then all those nasty fat people tried to defame you by pointing out that you call yourself a dietician even though you don't have the academic or professional credentials to do so legally. How unkind of them.

Listen girlfriend, after a week like this, you probably need to unwind. So how about, next time you're in the Toronto area, you drop by the Fighting Arts Collective and have a few friendly bouts of Dog Brothers-style stick fighting. (Or would that be Bitch Sisters-style? Anyways...) You'd like the sport. It takes a lot of fitness and self-control, which you must have in spades because you're skinny.

I know a great partner you can spar against: there's this chick at the Collective who goes by the handle of henchminion . You'll cream her for sure. She must be slow and she'll surely burst into tears at the first hit because she's very nearly now the same body mass as Chloe Marshall. Obviously she doesn't work out and she has no self control. Besides, everyone knows that extra body mass is a real disadvantage when it comes to giving and taking hits. That's why special forces soldiers and UFC fighters are all bony and stuff.

So yeah! Anytime, sweetheart. Have your people call my people and we'll set it up.

Love and hugs,

Henchminion
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: zornhau
2008-04-14 08:43 am (UTC)

Super Heavy Infantry of the World Unite!

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Which reminds me; is it possible to get access to the AEMMA online library? Tried to buy a ticket a while back, but it bounced!
[User Picture]From: henchminion
2008-04-14 11:25 pm (UTC)

Re: Super Heavy Infantry of the World Unite!

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Drop an e-mail to our webmaster David Cvet at david dot cvet at gmail (etc.) and he should be able to fix you up.
[User Picture]From: zornhau
2008-04-15 07:58 am (UTC)

Re: Super Heavy Infantry of the World Unite!

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Thanks muchly!
[User Picture]From: night__watch
2008-04-14 01:59 pm (UTC)

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I'd personally love to see you wailing on dieticians as a matter of course. At last, a good reality TV idea!
[User Picture]From: petmyrhino
2008-04-15 02:27 am (UTC)

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I so love this post of yours.
From: (Anonymous)
2008-04-16 12:27 am (UTC)

You handing Monica her gift wrapped ass

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I would totally film this....great post lady. :-)