|An Invitation to Monica Grenfell
||[Apr. 13th, 2008|09:49 pm]
It's been a bit of a challenging week, eh? Here you thought you'd get some good publicity for your crash dieting book by writing a piece in the British Daily Mail saying that plus-sized contestant Chloe Marshall doesn't deserve to be a finalist for the Miss England pageant because her size indicates that she has a "shocking lack of self-control" and she's obviously been overeating. Then all those nasty fat people tried to defame you by pointing out that you call yourself a dietician even though you don't have the academic or professional credentials to do so legally. How unkind of them.
Listen girlfriend, after a week like this, you probably need to unwind. So how about, next time you're in the Toronto area, you drop by the Fighting Arts Collective and have a few friendly bouts of Dog Brothers-style stick fighting. (Or would that be Bitch Sisters-style? Anyways...) You'd like the sport. It takes a lot of fitness and self-control, which you must have in spades because you're skinny.
I know a great partner you can spar against: there's this chick at the Collective who goes by the handle of henchminion. You'll cream her for sure. She must be slow and she'll surely burst into tears at the first hit because she's
very nearly now the same body mass as Chloe Marshall. Obviously she doesn't work out and she has no self control. Besides, everyone knows that extra body mass is a real disadvantage when it comes to giving and taking hits. That's why special forces soldiers and UFC fighters are all bony and stuff.
So yeah! Anytime, sweetheart. Have your people call my people and we'll set it up.
Love and hugs,