Tim Horton's conspiracy?
Does Tim Horton's have a war room patrolling the Internet?

The other day I let my hench-skills slip a little and passed on some hearsay information I hadn't thoroughly fact-checked. schizmatic was writing about how he'd like to roll up the rim of his coffee and win a car, and I repeated something I'd heard from a friend: that the Toyota Camry "prize package" Tim Horton's offers is really a leased vehicle and you don't actually get to keep it. For the record, I don't know if it's true and the fine print of the contest regulations is pretty vague.

Anyway, the fascinating thing about the discussion was that an anonymous poster sailed in out of cyberspace to correct me vehemently. S/he claimed to know what it says on the paperwork given to winners of large Timmy's prizes, and even showed up a second time five days later with a two year old news story that supposedly proves me wrong.

Somebody out there really, really wants us to gamble on our morning coffee. Me, I'm not a betting gal, but if I were to hazard a guess, I'd say that the anonymous person is being paid to care about such things.

I'd rant about how creepy that is, but it would be hypocritical of me, wouldn't it? Instead, I offer Big Coffee-Drinking Brother a few tips on the fine art of war room communications. We sinister henchminions gotta help each other.

1. Obtain a sock puppet. Anonymous posters appear to be ashamed of their identity, and that shame triggers my evil henchminionly attack instincts.

2. Speed kills. Or not. A war room is supposed to respond to any new development inside of thirty minutes. It took Anonymous twenty-eight hours to respond to my first comment and five days to respond to the second, by which time no one but me was paying attention anymore. Tsk!

3. Keep the tone light, even when the stakes are high. See, I'm not an opposition party; I'm a Tim Horton's customer too. Implying that I'm an uninformed bozo, even when I am, doesn't make me want to buy coffee. It does, however, make me want to poke fun of you.

There, now I'll sit back and see what happens. Remember folks, when you write about your morning stop at Timmy's, the Forces of Corporate Darkness are watching you.