A Henchminion Easter
I like to think of the Easter story as a cautionary parable about bad election campaign management.

It began auspiciously enough. There was this dark horse candidate with some unique new ideas. He was young and charismatic, and his speeches were well attended. The population was discontented with the existing political establishment and looking for a change. His obscure origins and frugal lifestyle gave him some clear points of contrast he could use to distinguish himself from his opponants.

Then the campaign hit some bumps.

And when they drew nigh unto Jerusalem, and were come to Bethphage, unto the mount of Olives, then sent Jesus two disciples, Saying unto them, Go into the village over against you, and straightway ye shall find an ass tied, and a colt with her: loose them, and bring them unto me. And if any man say ought unto you, ye shall say, The Lord hath need of them; and straightway he will send them. All this was done, that it might be fulfilled which was spoken by the prophet, saying, Tell ye the daughter of Sion, Behold, thy King cometh unto thee, meek, and sitting upon an ass, and a colt the foal of an ass. And the disciples went, and did as Jesus commanded them, And brought the ass, and the colt, and put on them their clothes, and they set him thereon. Matthew 21:1-7

Who in their right mind would help their candidate hotwire a donkey? Good campaign staff don't enable their boss's delusions of grandeur, they shut them down politely, firmly and immediately. Otherwise, they end up with situations like the one that happened at the Last Supper.

And being in Bethany in the house of Simon the leper, as he sat at meat, there came a woman having an alabaster box of ointment of spikenard very precious; and she brake the box, and poured it on his head.
And there were some that had indignation within themselves, and said, Why was this waste of the ointment made? For it might have been sold for more than three hundred pence, and have been given to the poor. And they murmured against her. And Jesus said, Let her alone; why trouble ye her? she hath wrought a good work on me. For ye have the poor with you always, and whensoever ye will ye may do them good: but me ye have not always. Mark 14:3-7

When the candidate declares on the record that his expenditures for hair grease are more important than feeding the poor, then you know he's not just off-message; he's starting to lose touch with real people. Just ask the Ernie Eves campaign. When this kind of nonsense happens, you musn't be surprised if there are high profile defections from the party.

Even then, the campaign might have been salvageable, but for the big mistake that followed.

Now at that feast he released unto them one prisoner, whomsoever they desired. And there was one named Barabbas, which lay bound with them that had made insurrection with him, who had committed murder in the insurrection. And the multitude crying aloud began to desire him to do as he had ever done unto them. But Pilate answered them, saying, Will ye that I release unto you the King of the Jews? For he knew that the chief priests had delivered him for envy. But the chief priests moved the people, that he should rather release Barabbas unto them. And Pilate answered and said again unto them, What will ye then that I shall do unto him whom ye call the King of the Jews? And they cried out again, Crucify him. Mark 15:6-13

So where did all of Christ's supporters get to? Where were the crowds who came to the Sermon on the Mount? How come the voters preferred some criminal lowlife to the Son of God?

In typical fashion for a losing campaign, the apostles blame the stubborn perversity of the voters themselves, but I suspect another cause. We can hardly fault the communications strategy: its messages are still remembered and quoted two millenia later. It seems clear to me that the Jesus Christ campaign made the classic mistake of messing up their election day plan. They knew they had a lot of supporters, but they couldn't identify them and couldn't pull them out to vote when the big day came. Voters have to be coaxed and cajoled out of their homes on e-day. You can't count on them to show up all by themselves.

What was the GOTV strategy? The only apostle whose whereabouts were clear at that point was Peter, and he was lollygagging around the palace pretending he didn't know the candidate instead of knocking on doors. Is it any surprise that his boss got slaughtered at the polls?

Despite the way it's been spun since, the defeat really was a bad one. It took the party three hundred years to get into power after that. Frankly, the chief wonder of this campaign is that it is remembered at all.