The Parable of the Politician and his Camel
I've spent the last ten days away from a reliable Internet connection. What a culture shock. During that time the Christmas season and the federal election reminded me of a story I heard a couple of years ago.

My old Member of Parliament, Murray Calder, used to bring his pet camel to the small town Christmas parades in Dufferin-Peel-Wellington-Grey. Murray's a chicken farmer, but he has a side interest in exotic critters. Early on in his political career, he realized that people who wouldn't be caught dead standing next to their local politician wanted their children's picture taken next to the politician and his Bactrian camel Baxter.

Baxter's an ugly brute. He has a crotchety temper and he stinks like nothing on this earth. However, he's got one party trick: if you take the cap off a bottle of beer and hand it to him, he'll wrap his enormous lips around the neck, tilt his head back, and down it in one shot. Then he'll spit the bottle away in a graceful arc.

One year, Murray took Baxter to the Christmas parade in the village of Mount Forest, close to his farm. After the parade he wanted to do some gladhanding, so he left the camel in the care of the local Shriners. This was, in retrospect, not the wisest thing to do.

The Shriners decided to find out just how much beer it takes to get a camel drunk. The answer, it turns out, is an entire two-four. Apparently Baxter got very surly, spat at everyone, and refused to get back in his horse trailer. Murray ended up having to walk his reeling camel three concession lines in order to get him home.

There is surely a moral to this tale, but I can't imagine what it is. I'm just sorry that Murray Calder isn't running again this year.